How To Love Yourself: 20 Women Who Are All About Self-Love Share Their Top Tips

What is your top tip for loving yourself?

My top tip for loving yourself is being okay with not everybody loving you. As someone who chased validation during my twenties, and wanted to be liked and loved by everyone, it felt almost revolutionary to remain anchored and grounded in one version of myself. Which only really happened once I reached thirty. Loving yourself is about living in accordance with your values and in alignment with your integrity and it's about choosing yourself over the need to fit in.

How did you learn to love yourself?

It's a lesson I am constantly learning, but recognising that we all have days when we don't feel great. And most of us, to varying degrees, struggle with loving ourselves all the time. So having the awareness that sometimes we might feel unlovable, or not good enough - and that is very normal and very human. But having our practices, rituals or as I like to call our 'daily disciplines' that we know will make us feel better. So when you are having a bad day, think what can I do that will be an investment in tomorrow's me? It could be seeing a friend, getting out in nature or having a nourishing and healthy meal. Usually it's the simple steps that seem almost trivial that amount to something significant over time. Loving yourself is about all those little steps you take, that invest in tomorrow's you.

BUY CAGGIE DUNLOP'S BOOK 'SATURN RETURNS' HERE

My top tip for loving yourself is…

To start to become aware of all the little decisions you make throughout each day because everything feeds into our capacity for self-love, no matter how big or small. For example, you can practice self-love when you decide whether to exercise or not, whether you say 'no' to something you don’t want to do, whether you decide to say encouraging things to yourself instead of nasty ones, and more. Everything you do matters and it's all in the little decisions you make.

How I learnt to love myself..

I really started to back myself and be my own best cheerleader, I started giving myself pep talks, encouraging myself to step outside my comfort zone, using positive mantras every day and only surrounding myself with people that made me feel good. I did it all - I through myself into self-love and it feels pretty damn good to final be rid of the self-loathing that used to consume me for so long!

BUY ROXIE NAFOUSI'S BOOK 'MANIFEST' HERE

My top tip for loving yourself is...

Keep learning more about yourself, take some time to figure out exactly what stresses you out, what types of people you enjoy being around, what makes you feel calm or what energises you. By learning how situations effect you, you can learn to expect how you will react and be easier on yourself. You’re not going to get it right each time, and neither will the people you love. But we can learn to process things in kinder ways to ourselves.

How I learnt to love myself...

Firstly I would say that I’m definitely not there yet. There’s days that I feel great about myself, but there’s probably more days where I think I could have done more.

In terms of my body I began to love it more by taking photos of it, seeing it fully and excepting it as it is, life drawing and life modelling really helped with that.

As for my mind, I think that can be tough. My mental health is something that can throw me off some days, but I’m learning to try and ease into those days, take time off, relax and start again the next day. And really try and stop comparison! It’s absolutely true that comparison is the thief of joy!

My top tip for loving yourself is….

Learning to be authentically yourself is so crucial to any self-love journey. Don’t strive for perfection, and try to understand that everyone’s journeys progress in different ways. Learn to take the good with the bad and embrace the imperfections in your own life story.

How I learnt to love myself...

I try to embrace the whole story and not live life as a continuous highlights reel. Social media can feel suffocating at times, but it's important to try and keep your on and offline lives as realistic and authentic as possible. I also started to spend more time with myself, learning what I like and don’t like, which ultimately helps me to know myself, love myself and trust my intuition.

My top tip for loving yourself is….

Marilla Tolfree (she/they): To embrace your vulva in all its glory! It’s beautiful, unique, and incredibly clever. If you’re someone who doesn’t regularly see real life vulvas, then look ‘em up and I don’t just mean through porn. Find images of real vulvas, see how beautifully diverse they are, and you’ll realise yours is pretty damn great just the way it is.

Maz Forsey (she/they): To remind yourself every day that being here and being you is all that matters, and your worth is not determined by any other achievements in your life. It took me a long time to learn that it is ok to let go of the job, the person, or the commitment that is taking its toll on your wellbeing. People won’t judge you for quitting, they’ll celebrate the fact that you took control and chose yourself.

How I learnt to love myself...

Marilla (she/they): I have spent the last decade exploring and trying to understand my sexuality, and more recently my gender. It’s so liberating to break out of the expectations society has on us and reimagine who we are. We live life in binaries but try to forget them and see all the grey matter in between because it’s colourful.

Maz (she/they): I’ve done this through (lots of) therapy and finding my people. I’ve started embracing and sharing my queerness with those around me a lot more, and it’s finally made me feel whole. Surround yourself with the people, or just one trusted person, who makes your soul full and who sees all the parts of you. Try to find community and where you can’t find community - see if you can create it.

My top tip for loving yourself is...

'This is easier said than done, but realising that you’re stuck with the person you are and that loving her will make the inner workings of both your heart and mind less vindictive and more productive is a good place to start. Ask yourself, "What could I make happen for myself if my inner dialogue was on my team - if it was as friendly, loving and unconditionally supportive as I am with my favourite people?"'

How I learnt to love myself...

'I’ve always been an overthinker, always very introspective, over sensitive (or so they say) and very hard on myself. My head never stops; I think and talk in zig zags, I have a thousand realms in my head, I don’t even watch TV because I often can’t cope with the extra noise or fiction.

'Now I realise how powerful my mind is, and how stupidly huge my heart is, but for the best part of my life said mind had serious beef with me. It was relentless. Things really started to change when I reached a hatred peak - it became unbearable to be stuck with myself. And I think that’s how it goes with me. Desperation brings all the Freddie resources to the yard.

'My dad would always get excited when I’d tell him I had reached rock bottom, he’d say that this is usually when I soar with a vengeance. He was my best friend and, just over two years ago, he passed away. In true 'Freddie' style, the crumbles my heart broke into introduced me to the best parts of myself. There are periods in your life when you’re definitely not going to make it unless you have a bulletproof support system, because life simply gets too ridiculous.

'There came a time where I couldn't unsee what I had uncovered during these phases: the beauty, the magic - I’m pretty special you know. And being 32 now, it’s much easier to build on that than it was when I was 25.'

My top tip for loving yourself is...

'Stop comparing yourself to anyone else. Especially online. You are the only one of you in this entire world so celebrate what makes you special. If that’s tricky, have a friend or loved one join you in a self-love session where you write love notes to each other and stick them all over your mirror so everyday you can remind yourself that you deserve to be loved by you.'

How I learnt to love myself...

'It’s definitely a journey and one you have to practice - self care is an important way of prioritising your mental and physical health. By investing daily or weekly, the tools that can help get you through hard times can change your life for the positive. Making sure you’re surrounded by people who love and uplift you - if they don’t, don’t be afraid to step away or be on your own. You have everything you need to love yourself.'

My top tip for loving yourself is...

'Think of yourself as a soul that has a body, not a body that has a soul. Prioritise what pleases your inner child and give yourself a break and remember that perfection is a myth.'

How I learnt to love myself...

'So much of my self-love journey has been about not only knowing my worth, but feeling my worth. Once I felt what I deserved, I started using that feeling as a compass for navigating situations and opportunities. You're less likely to settle when you know what you truly deserve and that comes with self-love.'

My top tip for loving yourself is...

'I know the idea of "dating yourself" has reached the realms of cliché, but I do think there's something in it. When I'm feeling gloomy, rather than slouching about at home, I try to take myself out in a way that feels almost romantic; I plan a lovely day, take myself for a nice lunch, walk the most beautiful route rather than quickest, wear an outfit that makes me feel good, listen to something I love, spend hours cooking an amazing dinner entirely for me.

'It's all stuff that might feel a bit silly or performative at first, but once you get in the habit of choosing the nicest option instead of just the most convenient, I think that's self-love.'

How I learnt to love myself...

'All too often these days we interpret self-love as cancelling everything and spending a night alone watching Netflix in the bath, but I think just as often it can mean pushing yourself forward and giving yourself more opportunities, not fewer.

'I'm terrible at believing in myself; whenever a professional challenge or exciting opportunity comes along, my immediate reaction is always "Nope! Can't! Shan't!". And yet, when I've completed one of those scary challenges and survived, it's usually the most in love with myself I ever feel. So these days I try – try! – to cheer myself on with the kind of unconditional love we give our friends and families, but rarely ourselves.

'When I'm feeling like my own worst enemy, I try to treat myself like a best friend I want to spoil, or like a toddler who needs a bit of firm, affectionate parenting. It's about striking that perfect balance, not expecting too much of yourself but not failing to look after yourself either. And I do still love watching Netflix in the bath!

My top tip for loving yourself is...

'Learn to listen to yourself around the noise of our busy lives and make time to be alone, off social media and entertainment - it’s scientifically proven that calm (to not say boredom) triggers creativity.'

How I learnt to love myself...

'I had to work on trying to prioritise myself a bit more. It’s quite easy to just ignore the signals your body is sending or forget your true identity when you’re caught up in work and a busy social schedule.

'I realised that ultimately, as loved and surrounded as I was, the only person who could really give me love and care was myself. I take it one step at a time, trying to not blame myself anymore for my failures and instead congratulate myself for my achievements. One piece of advice that I read recently and that resonated in me was to not compare yourself to anyone but to the version of you yesterday. Try to improve a tiny thing everyday. It can be silly things like forcing myself to wear beautiful clothes some days, making an effort with make-up, taking time off work to go and see an exhibition with a friend – basically anything that feeds my soul.'

My top tip for loving yourself is...

'It’s not an easy one but my top tip is finding the courage and ability to free yourself from ego. I just ask myself, "Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?" When we operate from ego, we generally obsess with blame and shame, but once you practice letting go of self doubt and ego, it frees up so much space to just be calm and loving towards yourself - which is less exhausting!'

How I learnt to love myself...

'It’s been a long one and like with every journey there are struggles, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Even now, I’m still growing and learning, that’s the beauty of it I guess. I'm not perfect, so like everyone I have days where I doubt myself and sit in low vibrations. But when I have those off days I give myself time to feel those emotions and then time to release them. It’s exhausting holding on to the negatives for too long so I try to focus my energy on finding a healthy balance.

'When you trust yourself and practice self-love, everything kind of naturally falls in to place. You then create healthy boundaries and loving dynamics with others around you. Win win!'

My top tip for loving yourself is...

Jay - 'Mine is to understand that self-love can fluctuate and it's a journey not a destination. There will be times where you'll experience low self esteem that will be damn hard test of how much you think of yourself. In these times, treat yourself how you would treat someone else in the same position. Gift yourself, relax and critique your own thought processes with love.'

Trina - 'My top tip for loving yourself would have to be "Movement". Moving your body can absolutely change your mental state and leave you feeling amazing. I love using this time to express my emotions whilst paying attention to my body. This allows me to explore loving myself inside and out.'

How I learnt to love myself...

Jay - 'It's still ongoing but I have never felt as confident as I have since going natural (with my hair) which lead to me questioning and exploring the other sides to myself. My journey started with a deep de-programming of my beauty ideals and with that, life goals, thoughts on relationships and just everything. I'm meeting the new me and trying to love her the best that I can.'

Trina - 'Social media was the catalyst for my self-love journey. I started to see more women who looked like me on a global scale, which in turn brought me to question the beauty standards I was exposed to. After following some dope accounts online I began my natural hair journey, embraced my curves and became more comfortable in my skin.'

My top tip for loving yourself is...

'Allow yourself to feel. Feel sad, feel jealous, feel angry, feel everything! These are normal, human emotions that you shouldn't resist having and that allow you to appreciate the times when you feel happy and confident even more.

'When I stop resisting human emotion it allows me to maintain an open heart which in itself gives me a huge sense of self-love and self-worth. Also, remember that you don't need anyone or anything to complete you. You are here, you are valued and frankly, you are enough. More than enough.'

How I learnt to love myself...

'I've always had a strong sense of self because of my upbringing. My parents told me that my voice and opinions matter and my older siblings showed me that hard work pays off, yet society and relationships formed outside of the safety net of my nearest and dearest harshly taught me otherwise.

'As a TV presenter I'm told that I'm "not right, don't fit or not good enough for jobs" all the time and as someone who has fallen in and out of love I've learnt that fairytale romances don't always match up in reality. Sounds bleak but the good news is, I know that I can get over rejection and failure and it's simply by forgiving myself for mistakes that I've made and treating myself with time to heal, doing all the things that bring me joy.'

My top tip for loving yourself is...

'Implement a self care routine (for me this is militant skincare and 15 minutes of exercise every day) but allow yourself space for weekly indulgences - for me this comes in the form of pork buns!'

How I learnt to love myself...

'Putting energy into friendships and loving really hard in platonic relationships has helped me work out what I value in other people and in turn what I want to be valued for myself. This has helped me look beyond the aesthetic things that made me feel insecure - by working on these connections I've come out with a really strong support system around me and I feel so much happier and confident.'

My top tip for loving yourself is...

'Learn to love time alone and apart from other people with nothing but the gentle whir of your thoughts for company. I think putting time to aside to do absolutely nothing at all makes you feel alive and vital.

'We're scared to be alone and listen to our own thoughts sometimes. If I'm not talking to my friends, I'm plugged into a podcast, knee-deep in a Netflix binge, or swallowed up by work. Even the simple act of looking out of a window for 15 minutes allows you to just be and feel.'

How I learnt to love myself...

'I can be really hard on myself most of the time. I demand too much from my time and I never think that anything I've done is good enough. My brain exists in a continuous loop of questions about whether I could always have done it better, or in a different way.

'Now, I stop thinking about it as soon as it's done, say goodbye to it, let it go for good, and move on. It's taken me some time to learn to do this, but I've stopped picking myself apart in the way I used to.'

My top tip for loving yourself is..

'Making my own lingerie! Making it feels like a love letter to my own body. Putting it on every morning, allows me to start the day with an expression of my own creativity.'

How I learnt to love myself...

'Making all my own clothes allowed me to fall back in love with my body. Not because of the way it looked but because I had to listen to how it was feeling. Rather than using a tape measure, I close my eyes and feel every curve and line of my bones, muscle and fat. I then make clothes based on the shapes I feel and the sensation of the cloth on my skin.'

My top tip for loving yourself is...

'Give yourself credit when it’s due. Don’t play down your hard work and your achievements, remind yourself of three things that you have achieved personally and professionally.

No one gave you that degree, or that job promotion, or that 10km medal for doing absolutely nothing, you earned it! So love yourself for your ambition, your hard work and for every win, no matter how big or small.'

My top tip for loving yourself is...

'If you want to have healthy relationships with other people, you need to develop a healthy one with yourself first, and that can’t come without you spending time on your own. You literally need to be alone with yourself to learn to love yourself.

'As the popular saying goes: "The day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit." Allow this to remain at the front of your mind as you journey to finding your strength. It will not happen overnight, and that’s okay. Rewiring yourself after years of toxic messaging and negative self-talk is a very sticky process, but you’ve got this.'

How I learnt to love myself...

'I have been in relationships, and I have been through breakups. Falling in love with myself allowed me to begin a journey of genuine happiness. For me, my independence is the most important thing to me. Being single allows me to move through the world on my own terms without having to answer to anybody. Being single has also enabled me to bloom as a person in ways I never thought would happen for me.'

My top tip for loving yourself is...

'Love where you are right now. I used to think that I'd be happy when – when my skin cleared up, when I lost weight, when I was more educated, when I was more interesting. What I realised was that as humans we'll always be a work in progress, we'll always strive for something better, and so waiting for the finishing line to reward myself with love is pointless. We grow and change throughout our lives, and we can love ourselves at every stage.'

How I learnt to love myself...

'My self-love journey has been rocky and it is still ongoing. I was diagnosed with an incurable (and very visible) skin condition at 21, which has shaped how I both view myself and how I present myself to others. Because I didn't want my skin to define me in a negative way, I have used my platform to empower, educate, and support others who also struggle with their appearance. As someone who can be self-critical I find that serving others gives me a "pass" to appreciate myself and see the value in what I do.'

My top tip for loving yourself is...

'Many of us have been taught at some point that we are unlovable, so we must not only choose to love ourselves, but learn how to do so. Make the commitment to learn. Take the time to discover what self-love looks like, feels like, sounds like. Create a space of gentleness around yourself that chooses love each day, and the days when it feels impossible to do so, be patient.'

How I learnt to love myself...

'I have had a lifetime of feeling unworthy of love from not only myself, but from others. It wasn’t until I betrayed myself by having an unwanted abortion that I was fully brought to my knees. It was in that moment that I made the commitment to learn how to love myself because it was so clear I didn’t know how. I believe this will be a lifelong journey for me- to live consciously and to wholly love my mind, my body, and my soul without judgment and fear.'